Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
