i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
