goodnight i made you a song goodbye
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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