with your own penis?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
