i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
