you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize