i jhust puked up my retainher.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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