I didn't shave. On purpose
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize