Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
