I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
