Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
