Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
