just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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