That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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