Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
