I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
