Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my shit smells like andre
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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