It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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