Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
