so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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