Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
