thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
