So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
