we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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