His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i think i just lost a toe
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
