Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
