my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
