Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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