I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
