Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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