We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Let's get the cat blown out
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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