just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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