i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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