I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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