You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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