I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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