Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
