There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
