Taylor Swift is so right about you.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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