hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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