idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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