$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
