I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
MIDGETS
????
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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