How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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