We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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