We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize