Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
