Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
