She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
