I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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