Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
