I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I wish you could order shots online.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
