We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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