you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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