yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize