My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
