can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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