Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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