i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My vagina just recognized that song.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
