I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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