dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize