If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
