his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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