Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize