you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
