i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
