i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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