he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
