The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
