one might say we're banned from that church
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
